sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we made out on top of his cat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
