You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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