so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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