Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
