Apparently you make a good broom.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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