you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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