I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
