Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
