go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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