i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
