For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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