You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
