It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
