I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
