She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My feet surprised me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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