He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
