Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
