The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
