Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
