I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
