you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
