i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
