Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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