she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
