exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
