I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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