I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
