Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
