shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
