Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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