When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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