I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
