I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
