girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
