What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
