Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
