We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
