Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
