I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
