I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
