Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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