And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
