She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
