thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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