We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
