do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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