Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Panties = found
Randomize
