i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
