I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
