You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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