just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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