Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
