he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
