i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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