i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
