don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
