How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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